Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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