I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
