if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
