So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
