Christians are straight up FREAKS
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
