The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
