Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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