We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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