Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just pee around me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
