Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize