like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
