She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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