There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
