Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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