24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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