nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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