Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize