I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
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I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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