I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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