at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
