Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
