So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
