I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
