why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
