I hate all girls vehemently.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
