Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
