I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
