Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
