Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
