Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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