last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
