My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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