Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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