I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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