i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All I want is dick and wine.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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