I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
