4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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