I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
