so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i drank out of a bidet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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