my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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