it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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