Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
