I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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