One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
