New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
