I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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