Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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