where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We are two peas in an std pod
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
