There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can I color on your dick again?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
