Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
