i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
