I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I need a beard to bite.
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