Yo dont text me then not text me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
