Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
