i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
