i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
