dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
