Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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