apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
