i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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